Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Are we still banned from the library?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
