My hand turned me down
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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