I'm lost and stupid without you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
