im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
