I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
