just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
