Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
