I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
