i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
