please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And then he peed in my hair
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