umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Randomize
