He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
