She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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