Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
