Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
