girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
