if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
