I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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