So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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