i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
