Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
