So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
