So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The best revenge is premature balding
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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