How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize