thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
