So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
