Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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