Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
