My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
