I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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