For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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