Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
