I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
