My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
