What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
