Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
