I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I look better un-naked...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize