so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
