Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
