plz talk dirty to me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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