yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
