Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize