i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
