im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
