have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
