just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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