I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
