6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
