That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
