broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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