Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
