I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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