what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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