You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
