Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
