I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
