508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
one might say we're banned from that church
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
