You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I AM VODKA MAN
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
