so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
