Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
