I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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