Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
