i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
