so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
